Fix
by xXxChase The DreamxXx
Summary: Antonio loves Romano, that much is certain. But ups and downs, paired with Romano's own issues cause some serious bumps in the road. Much to Arthur's displeasure. AU Spamano and UsUk
1. Chapter 1

Romano Vargas was easily the most stuck up, annoying, needy, critical, violent, sarcastic, and not to mention ill-tempered person Antonio had **_ever _**met.

But sometime over the years of knowing him, he'd fallen for the Italian. It had taken a while for him to realize it, but when he did it was quite the epiphany. And he was ecstatic when Romano had agreed to meet him for coffee. Antonio walked down the street, happily dodging people and tightening his scarf around his neck. The beginnings of Fall had hit the city hard. Wayward leaves from nearby parks fluttered with the blasts of wind from passing cars. The sky was a clear cyan, and the sun stood high in the midst of it. The air whipped harshly and left a cold sting on Antonio's cheeks.

Antonio quickly crossed the road and reveled in the familiarity of that particular street. The old Art Museum stood tall and proud at almost fifty years old, it's faded red bricks cracking with age. The bakery farther down the street emitted the smell of vanilla and chocolate cakes. The Spanish man was reminded that Romano loved the amaretto cakes from that specific bakery. And it only made his heart race faster for his soon approaching meeting. This was finally it...

No more than a minute later, Antonio was standing in front of the coffee shop. The building was fairly new, and the large glass windows reflected the light and the people walking on the street. Hard plastic hanging baskets bore heartier orange and yellow Fall blooms than the fragile pink flowers from the summer. Above the shop was a small apartment where one of Antonio's friends lived. He took a long, deep breath; opening the door. Inside was warm and smelled strongly of black coffee and brandy. The Spaniard unwound his scarf from his neck and walked up to the long, marble bar-style counter smiling. The blonde standing behind the counter noticed him and smiled back enthusiastically.

"How are you? Want me to get the usual?" He asked with a slight British accent.

" Great! Yeah. And by the way Arthur, have you seen Romano? We're supposed to meet up here." Antonio replied gratefully.

Arthur turned around gracefully and grabbed a large mug from a rack, filling it with coffee. He set it down in front of Antonio and then reached underneath the bar. His arm came back up with a silver Jigger, which he also set down. Turning around once again he grabbed a opaque bottle filled with a light brown liquid. Arthur picked the Jigger up and filled it with the liquid, then dumped it into Antonio's cup.

"No. But I'm sure he'll be here. He's probably going to be late just to spite you." The Brit quipped nonchalantly.

Antonio laughed. "Yeah, you're probably right."

As he took a sip of his coffee (black with vanilla spice creamer) Arthur rolled his eyes.

"I don't know how you can just roll over for him like that. You're spineless, really. He treats you like his personal chew toy." The blonde said and commenced to wipe the counter down.

"Aww c'mon. That's a bit harsh isn't it?" The brunette smirked and leaned his head on his palm. "Besides, you're not one to talk."

Arthur visibly stiffened, and scrubbed the counter a bit harder.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He snipped.

Antonio leaned farther over the counter and grinned devilishly at his friend. Oh, this was going to be fun! "Don't try and pretend that week of freaking out over whether you should have sex with Alfred-"

An elderly man farther down the bar coughed.

Arthur glared at Antonio maliciously, but the Spanish man couldn't resist the urge to tease the other. "Or not because you were a virgin and you didn't want to disappoint him with your inexperience, didn't happen." He finished quietly.

"Be quiet! It's not the same! At least I'm not treated like a doormat! Romano walks all over you and I swear you _like _it." Arthur said agitatedly.

"Oh shut the hell up Bushy Brows." An annoyed voice called.

Antonio turned around and was elated to see Romano approaching the bar. He wore a tan pea-coat and a red scarf. And not to mention his Holier-than-thou stride. The British man bristled at the comment but held himself back. He loved this job and didn't want to lose it. Fighting with Romano wasn't worth it.

"Amaretto Crème Latte." Romano demanded, not even looking at Arthur.

"You're paying idiot." Was directed at Antonio.

Arthur begrudgingly grabbed another coffee cup and started making the order. A loud and sporadic jingle sounded from the door, noting that a very enthusiastic customer had entered.

"Yo Artie! Can I have another piece of that pie?" Alfred questioned loudly.

"Quiet down! And no! You ate some for breakfast fatty!" The Brit scolded halfheartedly.

Alfred leaped over the counter and latched onto the other blonde.

"Awww! Not even for a kiss? C'mon Artie, you know you love me!" Alfred laughed and tried to kiss the others' cheek despite his struggling.

Arthur tried to push Alfred away. "Fine! If you let me the hell go and shut up for a couple minutes I'll give you pie!" He relented.

Alfred cheered and made his way back over the counter and seated himself. Romano snorted at them. They acted so lovey dovey! It was so weird. He'd never understood how people could act that way, love be damned!

"So what the hell do you want?" The Italian asked Antonio.

And suddenly, it finally hit him. He was going to ask Romano on a _date. _And there was a small chance... Ok, a 90% chance Antonio would be turned down. And it scared the shit out of him. Romano had been his good friend since they were little. It'd be crazy to chance that. But he felt like it was something he had to do.

"Romano, do you know how long we've known each other?" The Spaniard questioned.

Romano's coffee was finally set in front of him. "I don't know. Since I was nine? Why the fuck does it matter?" He quipped before taking a drink.

Antonio was silent for a minute, and Romano looked at him expectantly.

"Romano, will you go out with me?" The Spaniard asked calmly. (As if calm was how he _really_ felt.)

He really expected more. A punch, a dirty name, a disgusted look. But he didn't get anything more than a;

"Whatever."

Romano couldn't believe what he just said. Why the hell did he say yes? He wanted to die right there. There was no way this was going to work. Them, dating? But fuck, he'd already said it! And there was no chance in Heaven nor Hell Antonio was going to let him off the hook.

Antonio looked at him questioningly.

"What does that mean?" He asked.

Romano took another sip from his coffee.

"Whatever means whatever, dipshit."

Antonio smiled slightly. Well, it wasn't a no.

"Tomorrow at three?" Antonio questioned.

"I don't care."

It was harsh and uninterested, but it was the best thing Antonio had heard all day. He turned back to his coffee and sat happily in the silence Romano found to be insanely awkward. The clamor from other people in the cafe surrounded them as they sat in their somewhat normal silence. Antonio drank his coffee with a renewed energy. Romano on the other hand barely touched his cup. He merely watched as the lazy tendrils of smoke curled from the rim. Conversations of other people muddled into one barely recognizable entity. Not that he'd been paying much attention to it anyway. Romano had no idea how he was going to do this.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

When Antonio says "You're not one to talk", he's referring to the fact when all that was happening, Arthur was acting very much like Romano. He'd do anything to avoid the situation, and poor Alfred had to endure.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a week since the day at the coffee shop. Romano still couldn't believe he'd agreed to the whole thing. Not saying that he didn't have feelings for Antonio. That wasn't it.

Hell, Romano could remember having a crush on the older man since middle school. But back then Antonio only cared about sleeping, eating, and video games. And then his long string of boyfriends in High School. Even now at twenty-three, Romano still got jealous when men talked to Antonio (which included Feliciano).

The Italian was walking into the more Suburban part of the city towards his brother's, and unfortunately, that potato bastard's home. The two had been married for three years now, and had a nice large home that was way too big for just them. Ludwig payed for most of it. Considering his very well paying job at a Brewery that made one of the highest sold beers in the country it made sense. Feliciano acted as the housewife when he wasn't painting.

When he arrived, Romano took a second to look the house over for the millionth time just this year alone. Tall tan walls stretched towards the sky, and the cement driveway led up to the front door and the garage. Romano found himself at his brother's for everything. When he got bored, off to Feliciano's. When he was hungry, Feliciano was probably making something anyway. When he had issues that he needed to vent, Feliciano never once shut the door in his face. And it made Romano smile a little bit. Never once would Feliciano _not _be there. He was the only person he could count on.

With a couple impatient knocks, Romano waited for his brother to answer the door. Sure enough, Feliciano was there in a heartbeat.

"Romano! You're just in time! I'm making pasta for lunch!" The younger Italian cheered.

He rolled his eyes in response and motioned for his brother to move aside. Feliciano complied and Romano made his way in. As the older took his shoes off, the younger made his way up the small staircase (only 6 steps) at the side of the entrance. On the second floor there was a kitchen, three bedrooms (2 guestrooms), and a bathroom. Crossing the threshold into the living room, Romano turned right into the kitchen. Feliciano stood at the stove stirring a pot of noodles. Sitting down at the table, Romano watched his brother cook.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I gotta tell ya something." Romano commented boredly, messing with the salt shaker.

Feliciano just hummed in a questioning way.

Taking a breath he finally got it out. "Antonio asked me out a couple days ago."

Feliciano stopped mid stir. He turned around abruptly and smiled stupidly. "Really? That's great! Did you say yes? Did you go out?"

Romano blushed crimson, and looked away from his brother when he answered. "Well yeah I said yes stupid. We did. Just to the bakery. He bought me those cakes I like."

Feliciano was almost dancing! His brother finally found someone, and a long time crush to boot! Maybe this time would work out. Unlike several other relationships that didn't quite make it farther than a month.

And with that thought, a sinking feeling came over him. It had only been a week... Not enough to even call it a relationship. Oh no. What if this didn't work out? What if Romano and Antonio stopped talking? Romano would ban Antonio from visiting and talking to him for sure! And Feliciano couldn't _not _talk to Antonio. He was like another sibling! And most of all, how hurt would Romano be if it all went wrong? He would be devastated!

"Are...are you serious about Antonio?" The worried brunette prodded softly.

Romano sputtered, slightly taken aback by the sudden personal question. "I – I guess. I mean, it's not like I wanna marry the dumb ass! But I wouldn't of said yes if I wasn't! You know me, I turn everyone down."

The younger nodded thoughtfully, then shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Is the pasta ready? I'm fucking starving and you're questioning me about stupid shit." Romano grumbled, still flustered.

Feliciano laughed and went back to cooking. The sound of the front door opening and closing pulled each of them away from their thoughts. Romano was unpleasantly surprised to see Ludwig enter the kitchen.

"Ludwig! You're home early!" Exclaimed an exuberant Italian.

"Yeah. I had a bit of a migraine so I got off early." The German replied tiredly.

Feliciano bounded over to the much larger man and wrapped his arms around his neck. Romano scoffed.

"Yeah, I bet that happens a lot here at home too." He said agitatedly under his breath.

Feliciano turned his head towards his brother innocently. "What was that?" He asked, not having heard his brother correctly.

Romano held his hands up and leaned back in his chair dismissively. "Nothing."

Ludwig shot him a withering glare, which was returned with an arrogant smirk.

Turning his attention back to Ludwig, the smaller stretched up to kiss him lightly. "It's ok. You know what they say cures migraines~." He commented lightly, letting go of Ludwig and sauntering back to the stove.

"I'm sure Romano would be happy to leave us alone after lunch." He commented, stirring the pasta.

There were a few silent seconds in which Romano had to process just how much of a sneaky little shit his brother was, and how much his mind had been damaged. Then utter disbelief.

"Fuck that I'm leaving now." Romano retorted, feeling disgusted and slightly violated. He couldn't believe how devious his brother could be sometimes! He made his way down the stairs, and heard his brother call an amused;

"You can stop by tomorrow for leftovers if you want to~!" before he could get out the door.

* * *

His walk wasn't long before his phone beeped telling him he had a text. It was from Antonio and it reminded him of the time and place of their date today. Romano decided to just ignore the text rather than waste the time answering. And even though Romano acted like it didn't matter, just a little part of him thought it was sweet of Antonio to make sure he knew the plan. But his logic wouldn't let him acknowledge it.

The walk back into the city was short, and Romano hailed a cab to take him the rest of the way. When he arrived Antonio was sitting on an old bench at the park's entrance; waiting. It made the Italian's heart flutter a bit when Antonio smiled broadly as he got out of the cab. Light flittered through the remaining leaves and cast long shadows on the ground at their feet.

"What are you smiling about stupid?" Romano grumbled as he approached the Spaniard.

"Just happy to see you I guess." Was his answer.

The younger man grimaced. How fucking girly.

"You're weird." He retorted.

The idiot just laughed and ushered the other through the wrought iron entrance gate.

The park was familiar. It was one Antonio, Feliciano, and he used to frequent a lot when they were younger. Everything was still the same. The large trees lined the wide brick walkway, keeping the people under it safe from the heat of the sun in the summer and creating an amazingly beautiful vortex of oranges, reds, yellows, and purples during the early fall. A few other people walked lazily along the path immersed in their own conversations. The wind blew slightly and picked up fallen leaves. It made Romano smile.

He could almost see Antonio and himself when they were younger, running around the trees and helping Feliciano up when he fell down and started crying.

"Seems like forever ago huh?" Antonio asked suddenly.

Romano looked at him briefly, then back ahead of him. "Yeah."

For some reason Feliciano's words rang out loudly in his head.

"_Are...are you serious about Antonio?" _

If he were being honest with himself, he wasn't sure. He sure as hell knew he was serious about him in High School. But now...it was a bit different. He still had _some_ feeling for Antonio. He wouldn't have agreed to this whole thing if he didn't. But something in him kept telling him this wasn't really that big of a deal. And his negative logic always won out. He wasn't like his brother. Romano just couldn't see how everything was so great and sun-shiney like Feliciano. It had been a long time since he held any hope for the world. But as they walked Romano settled into the fact maybe things would never change. As long as he wasn't completely alone, he could live without love from anyone. Including Antonio. As much as it hurt to know that.

* * *

**_Authors Note:_**

I felt so bad for getting all these subscriptions and stuff then not posting! If I could get on Fanfiction at school it would of been updated a lot sooner! But this chapter is nothing too big, unfortunately I'd like to finish chapter 7 before I post again. I hope I don't turn into a lazy jackwagon this summer. I'll try my best to get things done! Thank you for reading, and stick with me!


	3. Chapter 3

One month.

That was exactly how long they had been together. One whole month.

And not once did it even feel any different than before that month.

Romano still called him stupid, and Antonio still just smiled, because he knew Romano didn't mean it. The Spaniard had practically _begged _to live with the grouchy Italian. He gave in eventually, but it was one hell of a ride to get to that point.

And sometimes, Antonio forgot just how mean Romano could be.

* * *

_Mornings for them were always the same. Romano got up early, and Antonio would eventually be woken up with a pillow to the face. Everything had been normal that day. Nothing new or out of place. Romano still made a breakfast that somehow included Tomatoes. But somewhere along the way Antonio tipped the scales a bit too much. It could've been when he wrapped his arms around Romano's waist while he cooked, or when he kissed the others' neck affectionately. In all honesty Antonio was just being himself. There was no ulterior motive to what he was doing. It wasn't even sexual. But somehow he ended up on the floor. Now fully awake, he looked up at an infuriated Romano._

"_What was that?" He asked confusedly._

""_What was that?" What the fuck w__as __**that**__? What makes you think you can just feel me up like that whenever you want?" The __smaller demanded__._

_Antonio was at a loss for an explanation. "I...I was just trying to-"_

"_I don't care! Don't try anything!" Romano ground out then turned around to resume cooking._

_Antonio would be lying if he said he didn't have a temper. Yes, he could put up with quite a lot. But eventually everyone reaches their limit. And unfortunately, it was a side of him he knew he never wanted Romano to see._

"_I'm going out." He said plainly, getting up._

_The taller grabbed his coat and quickly threw it on._

"_Whatever." The Italian mumbled and continued to push his food around the frying pan._

_The sound of the door opening and closing made Romano flinch. The other didn't know it, but the sudden emptiness in the room made him feel lonely._

* * *

And now, he was out in the pre-winter air, walking to god knows where. Antonio didn't particularly want to go to the coffee shop. Arthur would be there to chew his ear off. Everything was just too confusing for him to try and listen to Arthur rant about rights and wrongs. And _God __**damn, **_what the hell happened? Didn't Romano want this? He could've said no to begin with, but he didn't! So what was his angle? No one agrees to date someone and then lets them move in for no reason.

Thinking only made the Spaniard's head hurt more, so he pulled his coat tighter around him and kept walking. He passed the usual streets and alleyways. After being in this place for so long he'd basically memorized it to the last detail. Antonio ventured into a part of the city he knew, but didn't voyage to very often. People walked past him happily. The sky was clear despite oncoming snow in a few weeks. The air was cold and the flower shops were starting to get shipments of flowers outside of the city from places where it was warm all year long. A Chocolate Lab barked at him in friendly greeting as he passed.

At first Antonio spared the dog a small smile, but he heard a whine as he got farther away. He stopped, then turned around. The dog wagged its tail.

"_Poor dog. Who just ties their dog to a fence while they get something to eat?" _Antonio thought.

He trailed back to the dog and scratched it's head. The animal seemed happy enough.

"Who left you out here? Your owner must be pretty cold hearted, huh?" He commented.

"Cold hearted eh?" A deep voice said beside him.

Antonio shot up and looked to whoever addressed him. When he saw a familiar pair of blue eyes, and the same long blonde hair, he smiled widely. He'd know them anywhere.

"Well if it isn't Bonnefoy!"

Francis smiled back, clearly happy to see his old friend.

"How've you been? I don't think we've talked for at least a year!" The blonde commented.

Antonio wanted to say how he'd really been, but Francis probably didn't need to hear about his problems. "Good. You?"

At this the Frenchman grinned. He seem genuinely happy. "Amazing! In fact, I'm engaged."

Wow. The brunette was honestly surprised. Francis moved to the side to reveal a shorter blonde behind him.

"This is Matthew, my Fiancée'."

The smaller man had hair much like Francis', with deep violet eyes hidden behind glasses.

"I'm Antonio." The Spaniard introduced himself, holding out his hand in a friendly manner. "I knew Francis in High School."

Matthew reluctantly took his hand.

"So when are you guys getting married?" Antonio questioned.

The shorter blonde smiled slightly. "In Spring." He replied with a quiet voice.

"And my beautiful Matthew here will be wearing the best dress money can buy!" Francis exclaimed and wrapped and arm around the shorter's shoulders.

"Francis! I'm not a girl!" Matthew complained.

Francis laughed. Antonio watched the two interact.

They seemed so happy.

Nothing about them was strained or held back. They were just there, together, without restraints. They seemed to genuinely love each other and they knew how the other felt.

And it would be an understatement to say the Spaniard _wanted_ that.

He wanted to be able to hold Romano's hand when they went for walks. He wanted to hug Romano without being pushed to the floor. For once in their relationship Antonio wanted to feel _loved. _Even if he couldn't hold Romano's hand, or hug him, or kiss him, he wanted to know his feelings for the other were _returned_.

At this point he was really starting to doubt they were.

Francis turned back to his old friend and noted the look in his eyes.

"Matthew, do you mind going to the store without me? I'll take the dog. I'd like to catch up with Antonio here." Francis questioned his fiancée'.

Matthew nodded, "It's ok. Hopefully I'll be home when you get back."

Francis smiled, and then leaned down to kiss the shorter quickly.

When Matthew was gone the Frenchman turned to his friend. "What is it?"

Antonio looked at him with a bewildered expression.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Walk with me." Francis said, then untied the dog from the post.

* * *

"What was with that look? You looked a bit sad." Francis wondered.

Antonio sighed. There was no use hiding it. Francis used to be a master at reading people. He knew things about someone without them having at say anything about it. It was one of the reasons he used to (and probably still was) popular with both men and women.

"It's just you and your fiancée' seem so happy." He answered truthfully.

"Problems with your own lover?" The blonde asked.

"Don't say lover." The Spaniard told him, "It sounds weird."

Francis laughed.

"You remember the Vargas brothers' right?" Antonio asked.

The other nodded silently in response.

"Well, the older one Romano, is my boyfriend... I think." He continued.

"What do you mean "I think"?" Francis asked, clearly confused.

The brunette sighed. "Well, it's been a month. And nothing's changed. I hugged him this morning and...well... It didn't turn out well."

"Always was a spitfire wasn't he? Looks like it never wore off. Even worse now that it's carried into his relationships." The blonde commented lazily.

Antonio scoffed.

"Well, I'm probably not being any help by saying it, but no matter how much you love Romano, I don't think he knows how to love someone else." The Frenchman sighed, glancing at him.

He didn't want to believe it. But it was probably true. Still, Antonio wanted to be with Romano. The problem was how.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

Grah I still feel like this story isn't quite good enough!

Thank you though for all the subscriptions and the reviews! They really do make me fell good about this~!

I hope this chapter is up to standard. And yes, I know, bad things going on in the third chapter, but believe me, things go up and down so many times it's nuts. And it's only 12 chapters!

But it ends happily! And I'll have a blast writing the last chapter!

Reviews are love~!


	4. Chapter 4

After the incident Antonio hadn't said anything about that day.

He had gone home and left the Italian relatively alone. And even for the week after that he seemed off. He just wasn't all there. Romano knew he was upset. No doubt he himself was probably to blame, but he wasn't about to forgive the moron! Antonio couldn't just get into his space like that! He had boundaries too! There were things he wasn't comfortable with.

And physical intimacy was public enemy number one.

Yet here he was, stuck at home with a sulking Spaniard.

Romano usually worked weekends, and Antonio worked from home. But this week there was no overtime available. So he was basically stuck at the condo with a very depressed boyfriend. For the most part Antonio had stayed in the home office to work and only came out for a drink or the bathroom. Romano sat on the couch with his laptop. He wouldn't admit it, but when the older man came out, the Italian's gaze followed him.

Watching him closely. Studying his erratic movements as if they held the answer to everything. As if they held the answer on how to make it stop. Because this wasn't Antonio. He looked pitiful. His completely sure and steadfast confidence was gone. He'd turned into a cautious being; acting as if one wrong move would cause the world to shudder and crack around him.

And Romano could only take it for so long.

* * *

After at least two hours of mindlessly surfing the internet and being completely ignored, he got up and followed Antonio into the kitchen. He watched as the older rinsed off the from lunch, then set it down at the bottom of the sink. Antonio paused for a second, then picked it back up. Grabbing a dish towel he absentmindedly dried it off.

It was weird. Somehow having Antonio around all the time had become so usual. And now that he had been avoiding Romano like the Black Plague for the past week, him not being _mentally_ there was **_un_**usual , even while they were asleep the older man didn't touch him! Antonio would go to bed with his back facing Romano, then when the Italian woke up, he was still like that. Not that he wanted the idiot all over him, but _damn! _He didn't want to be treated like a disease! That's just a bit hurtful.

But what really caught Romano's eyes was how tired Antonio looked recently. It only got worse each day, and it looked like he was going to fall over and die if he didn't get some sleep. Dark circles had etched their way onto the usually happy man's face. And the need for at least a _nap_ seemed overwhelming.

There was no way he could keep watching this without feeling sorry!

It'd be like kicking a puppy.

"Hey dumbass." Romano called.

Antonio turned towards him and smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "What is it?"

Slowly, he opened the cabinet and placed the plate where it belonged.

"You look like shit. You need sleep or else you'll die." The younger commented dryly.

There was a poignant silence for a moment. Then;

"It really looks that bad?" The taller asked.

Romano rolled his eyes. "Just lay down. I'm going to Feliciano's. You better be asleep when I come back."

The relief in Antonio's eyes was clear.

He made his way back through the kitchen and stopped in front of Romano. The smaller felt bad when he received quite the somber look. The older lifted his hand and ran it through the hair at the shorter's temple.

Romano would have said something, but he was taken aback by the sudden flash of sadness in the others eyes. Antonio leaned down slightly, and the Italian was unsure of what to do. He was still confused by that _look_. Everything seemed to be moving too fast and too slow at the same time. As the other got closer his mind processed what was happening, but didn't work fast enough to tell him what to do. He looked like a deer in headlights. He was _so _close! Antonio's cologne (_or was that just how he smelled?_) was strong and spicy, but clean. Romano could hear his heartbeat in his ears. The taller was less than and inch away when another flicker of sadness marred his face. He leaned his forehead on the smaller's and smiled tiredly.

"Have fun at Feli's. Tell him and Ludwig I said "Hi"." Antonio said, then pulled away from Romano heavily.

Romano could only stare in shock as Antonio walked through the living room, and out of sight into the small hallway their bedroom was in.

His whole body was numb.

What _**was that? **_

The Italian could feel his heart beating a mile a minute. Normally he wouldn't of let something like that happen. So why did he just stand there? Why did he _like _it? What confused him the most was the overwhelming sense of disappointment.

**Damn. **He needed to get to Feliciano's. Quick.

* * *

"I keep telling him it's a good idea, but you know him! He wants to make sure it's the right thing to do. But why wouldn't it be? This house is too big for just the two of us, and it's not like we don't have the money." Feliciano said, folding another one of Ludwig's shirts.

Romano watched his brother talk about this and that while folding laundry in the _kitchen_ of all places. It was, of course, Feliciano's favorite room in the whole house. Ludwig had made sure it was perfect. The walls were Feli's favorite shade of blue, and all the cabinets were made of a light colored oak. All of the appliances shone with a metallic finish. A gas oven stood in it's place next to the sink. A small wooden table with four chairs finished off the room. Romano couldn't really think of a time Feli wasn't in the kitchen. He did everything there. Hell, he and that potato bastard probably even fucked here too...

Romano suddenly lifted his arms and drink off the table with that thought, looking displeased.

"How about you? Are you and Antonio doing well?" The younger Italian asked flippantly.

"Fine I guess. The idiot wouldn't keep off me. He was like a leech." Romano scoffed.

Feliciano laughed. "I'm sure it's not that bad!"

"Yeah, well you don't have to live with him." Was the retort.

"So other than that, everything's ok?" Feliciano asked hopefully.

Romano didn't answer, and that worried him. Was his brother going to suddenly jump out of this relationship too? He couldn't! Antonio loved him so much! Why couldn't Romano see that? There had to be some sort of misunderstanding between them! Felicano had seen the difference between real love and the feelings that only imitated it. Antonio looked at Romano like he was one of the rarest paintings on earth! And he knew Romano felt the same way!

But there was this quality his brother had about him. Romano acted like everyone was beneath him, but in reality that was just to hide the fact he hated himself. That's what killed Feliciano the most. His precious older brother felt like scum.

He hated himself and never thought he was good enough for anything. Not even love. Romano never even held himself to be good at the things he was so amazing at. No one knew it, but Romano was just as good with art as Feli was! And he could name any wine he tasted blindfolded!

But nothing could get through to him. Maybe not even Antonio could...

"The stupid bastard's been ignoring me. Not that I care! It's just... I just don't want to be treated like a fucking disease that's all!" Romano blurted out.

It almost made Feliciano relieved. His brother might think he'd been fooling him by playing the big bad guy, but out of everyone Feliciano was going to see through it. But it still didn't calm any fears about the situation.

"When did it start?" Was the younger's first question.

"About a week ago." Romano replied. He left out that little bit about kind of sort of maybe pushing the other to the floor.

"He just started ignoring me. Even when we go to bed he doesn't move. Normally I wake up to the idiot smothering me."

The expression in Romano's eyes belied his "I don't care" act. It was so obvious this whole thing was bothering him. Feliciano knew his brother too well. He wanted to look like he could do everything alone. Like he didn't need anyone to help him up if he fell. But in reality Romano was easily upset. He didn't like to be around others unless he knew they wouldn't leave him. And one of the many reasons he visited so much was because he was lonely.

"Be nicer to Antonio! He only cares about you." Feliciano chided, hoping the keep of of his usual tone would satiate his brothers fears, even just a little bit.

Romano scoffed and leaned back in his chair. "I wish he'd care a little less."

The younger Italian didn't take this comment as being out of the ordinary. But the older suddenly went quiet. They just sat there in silence. Feliciano folding clothes and humming softly, and Romano staring into space. The thought that Antonio might _actually _do just that perturbed the older a bit.

Would that happen? Has it _already_ happened? No way. There was no way that would ever happen! Antonio was way too obsessed with Romano to give him up!

But the thought still bugged him. Romano would admit that maybe he was being a bit needlessly hostile towards the other recently. But he was at a loss as how to change that. For as long as he could remember, Romano never let anyone comfort him. If he couldn't do it himself he wasn't about to let others be bothered by his weakness. And in turn he didn't know how to handle others emotions. It was as foreign as speaking German to him.

"Romano, I think you should just talk to Antonio. He comes over all the time. We talk about everything, and we've never fought!" Feliciano said happily.

All he tried to do was help, but Romano didn't quite see it that way...

What the hell was Antonio doing at his brother's so much? They talked about everything? If Antonio could tell Feliciano everything, did he tell him why he was avoiding him, but Feliciano couldn't tell Romano? And why wasn't Antonio talking to _**him **_about what was going on instead of his brother? Romano felt betrayed and spiteful. Not completely at Feliciano. He could never hate his brother. But Antonio was a different story! That bastard wouldn't even explain what was going on, even though they were supposedly "together"!

"I have to go. See you later." Romano grumbled gruffly.

Feliciano stopped folding for a second to look at his brother questioningly. "Um, ok... then. See you later?"

"Yeah." Romano said over his shoulder as he made his way to the door.

Antonio was going to get it.

* * *

_**Author's Note**_

I have a feeling I'm going to regret posting this. I have yet to finish chapter 7, and this is chapter 4. I really need to get to work. But it's so awkward writing in front of my family. I really wish I had my laptop back.

But, on a better note, thank you so much to the reviews I've gotten! I'm trying my best and I hope this chapter (mostly the story) lives up to your expectations!

I look forward to seeing your opinions on this and future chapters~!


	5. Chapter 5

Romano was definitely not happy about something.

He hadn't been for a couple days. And Antonio was mystified as to what he could've done now. The list never really ended did it? The Spaniard had officially had enough of keeping away from the smaller male, He could only go so long without being able to be around him. Despite his faults (how ever many there were), Romano made him smile. He still loved him.

* * *

Romano was in the kitchen, making dinner. Antonio had just finished some extra paperwork. He sat at the island watching the smaller man cook. Romano didn't seem to pay him much mind. He only continued cooking.

"I noticed you haven't gone to Feliciano's in a while. What's up?" The Spaniard asked casually.

Romano grimaced. "I don't know. Why don't you ask him?"

Antonio was surprised by the spiteful reply. "Are you ok? Did you two fight?" He questioned.

"Why the fuck do you care if we fought or not? Technically it's none of your business!" Romano growled.

Surprise crossed the older's face. Why was Romano so upset? He had only asked if anything had happened between the two. Why was he so angry about it?

"I was just worried." Antonio replied warily. Really, this was getting to be ridiculous!

"Yeah well I don't need you to fucking worry about me!" The smaller retorted.

What was Romano's problem? Antonio had never been angry at Romano like he'd been these past few weeks. It was like everything he did pissed the other off! And that wasn't helping his own anger issues. There had to be some give in this situation. And Antonio had a feeling if he didn't give, neither of them would until it exploded. That was the last thing they needed.

"What is your problem? Your so angry lately!" Antonio asked, voice raising slightly.

At first Romano was surprised. Antonio _never _yelled at him. He couldn't think of one time in their past where Antonio had given him more than a stern look, that soon faded and went back to it's usual stupid grin. But he recovered, appalled that Antonio was talking to him the way he was. No one was going to yell at _him!_

"What's that supposed to mean?" The smaller man rebuked.

"I've had to walk on eggshells ever since I moved in with you! Every little thing sets you off!" The Spaniard yelled, set off.

"Maybe if you stopped doing things to piss me off, then we wouldn't have this problem!" Romano's blood boiled. Who did Antonio think he was?

Antonio was thinking much the same thing.

"Well that looks impossible considering that talking to you does that pretty well! I've tried **everything** Romano, really I have! I've tried giving you your space! I've tried leaving you alone, and you know what? It's _tiring_! Because it seems no matter what I do I can't please you! I just want to make you happy, but you're making it pretty _damn_ hard!"

There. Antonio had finally let it out. For once he'd voiced his anger rather than pushing it down and ignoring it. Romano stalked over to where he was sitting and got face to face with the other. Neither of them was very pleased with the closeness. And Antonio was feeling trapped.

"Well you know what? I don't need this shit! And I don't need you!" He said finally, jabbing the older man in the chest with his finger.

Antonio glared at him. "Well neither do I!" He declared, standing up.

Romano stepped back slightly, but still stood his ground. He wasn't about to let Antonio win this one.

What the Spaniard was about to say next hurt him, but it needed to be done. For both of their sanity.

"I think we should spend some time apart." Antonio said darkly.

A look of angry shock fell over Romano's face. Disbelief shone in his eyes. Did he just... Now he was a new level of pissed!

"Fine then! If that's what you want then get the fuck out!" Romano screamed.

If the bastard didn't want to be with him, then he could get the fuck out! He wasn't needed, not now, and not _ever_. And Romano wasn't going to make himself look like a fool.

Antonio's anger flared more, but he wasn't going to act on it. That familiar feeling never did him good as a teen, and it sure as hell wouldn't do him any kind of good now. He was angry yes, but this was Romano. Even if they were in a screaming match, he wasn't willing to hurt the other.

He had to walk away, now.

"Fine then." The taller man walked past the other and grabbed his coat on the way to the door. After throwing it on, he turned the door knob harshly and slammed it behind him.

Romano stood in the kitchen threshold, still riled up by the fight. His blood was roiling with anger and frustration. So it didn't really sink in that Antonio was gone.

* * *

In his fit, Antonio found himself stalking towards to coffee shop. It probably wasn't the best place to go but it was the only place he_ could_ go. In the dark, he managed to get behind the building without tripping over empty boxes and wooden crates. Attached to the stone wall was a spiral staircase that served as another way into the apartment above the shop. He climbed the tall and slightly wet metal stairs that had been soaked by rain earlier that night.

At the top he knocked twice. Inside the apartment a dull crash could be heard, then Alfred's telltale whine filtered through the wood. Antonio raised his brow in bewilderment. The door was opened, revealing an obviously riled up (and displeased) Arthur. Antonio wanted to laugh _so_ badly.

Arthur was _**not**_ happy to see him.

The short blonde's hair was fussed, sticking up in multiple directions, and his emerald eyes shone with a frustrated glare. The rumpled shirt he wore was _obviously_ Alfred's, and obviously put on in a _hurry_. His cheeks were bright red.

"What are you doing here?" The British man scalded.

"Yeah dude, you're being a total cock block." Alfred stated, standing shirtless in the living room behind Arthur.

He was obviously wasn't as concerned about the situation as his lover was. And it was fucking hilarious.

Arthur turned around to glare at his boyfriend. "Put a damn shirt on!"

"Well, I would but you kinda took it." The other blonde deadpanned.

"Then go find another one! Stop being a twit!" Was the angry reply.

"Yeah yeah." Alfred sighed and lazily ventured off in search for a new shirt.

"You realize you have the worst timing in the world right?" Arthur hissed, finally turning back to an amused Antonio.

"Sorry. But I have a favor to ask you." Antonio told him.

Arthur had a feeling he knew what this was about. And it wasn't a good feeling. There was only one reason Antonio would be standing outside his apartment in weather that was damn near freezing.

Romano.

"Get in." The blonde relented.

Antonio smiled and made his way inside. He shrugged his coat off and Arthur took it from him.

"So, Romano kicked you out I take it?" The British man commented dryly; hanging the coat up on the rack next to the door.

Antonio sighed, then flopped down on the couch. "Yeah."

The Spaniard didn't see it, but his friend shot him a worried glance. How long could he take it? All he did was try and make Romano happy, that's it. Antonio didn't ask for much. _Ever_. So was it _that_ hard for Romano to give a little back? It was killing Arthur to see his friend in this shape all the time, and none of his words got through.

"Antonio..." The blonde trailed off, then sat himself in the chair across from the other.

"I'm not saying this because I don't care. I'm saying this for your own sanity. Romano isn't good for you! You're the sweetest person I've ever met, and you just let yourself get kicked around. You can't let that happen in a relationship. You're giving the best you can. But I don't think Romano can give anything to anyone."

He knew that. Antonio knew how Romano was. But he really _did _think the other would change. And he wanted to be the one to do that. The worst part was the fact he believed, just a little bit, that he deserved the treatment he got. If he didn't do his job right he was punished. If he couldn't make Romano happy then he deserved it. The fight between the two was the first time he didn't feel guilty about his own emotions. It was twisted. And maybe a little masochistic.

Antonio covered his face with his hands. "I am so fucked up."

"It's not you. I keep telling you that." Arthur commented.

"No. Not that. I just..." The Spaniard started. "I feel like... Like maybe I deserve it. When things go wrong, no matter whose fault it is, I feel like_ I_ should shoulder the blame. I _should _feel bad. Because...Fuck. I don't know why. I just do."

Antonio wanted to die right there. There had never been a time in his life where he'd felt so miserable. He was insane! Despite how stupid it sounded that's what he was! The more Romano hurt him, the more he wanted to come crawling back. He'd do so willingly, and with a smile. Because that's just how he was.

Arthur couldn't believe this! Did he really think that? Who deserved to feel at fault for _everything_? It broke his heart. How much did his friend uneedingly carry?

"And even though Romano isn't exactly the most loving person, I just want to make him happy." Antonio said, voice breaking.

Arthur had heard enough.

"Are you retarded?" The Brit was angry now. "He's done nothing but hurt you! My god! Do you have any love for _yourself_? If Romano loved you **at all**, he'd feel the same way!"

The other was silent for a moment. He moved his arms to cover his eyes, but Arthur clearly saw the tears making their way down Antonio's cheeks.

"I just love him so much."

The blonde got up and sat next to his friend, pulling him into a hug. "I know. And it might take forever, but Romano is going to realize what

he has. But it might only be after he's lost it for good I'm afraid."

"I told him we should be apart for a while. Is it o-" Antonio began.

"You don't even have to ask. Despite your amazingly perfected "cock blocking" abilities, you're welcome here anytime." Arthur cut in.

This was going to be a bumpy ride.

* * *

_**Author's note:**_

Ok, I'm not too partial to this chapter, and my other one's are probably much better, but this little interaction between Arthur, Antonio, and Alfred is seriously the brand for this story for me and my friends. Seriously, this is pretty much the most memorable interaction so far! But it seems like I've been getting a lot of reviews about Romano being kind of, well, a dickdouche. And as hard as it is to believe it, it's really all part of the plan. Romano has some serious turning points ahead, and they all change his personality and understanding of things in some way. Believe me, the ending is going to be worth it. I know I'm looking forward to the last chapter!

Reviews are love~!


	6. Chapter 6

He didn't miss Antonio.

There was no fucking way! He just missed the house being full! That's it. As Romano walked towards the coffee shop, he tried to ignore the voice in his head.

"_You miss the bed being full too. It's too cold without him. The smell of his cologne isn't as strong as it usually is either."_

He couldn't shut the voice up, and he was so frustrated with it! If he were younger he'd have broken down by now. He had never gotten quite used to the nagging. He really needed to get that fixed.

For the past two days that Antonio had been gone, Romano was in more or less of a rut. Not even a copious amount of pasta and wine could fix this. Even cussing out that stupid German of Feliciano's didn't even make him feel better. Only for about an hour and then he uncharacteristically gave up on it.

He was pissed at Antonio, but he missed him too. It was a vicious cycle. He wanted to punch Antonio _so badly, _but he wanted to tell him to stop being stupid and come back home. The stress was building. So he finally figured the only way to relieve some of the stress was coffee. _Lots_ of coffee. Though it wasn't exactly going to be a joy. Arthur was bound to be there, and there was no doubt in Romano's mind that Antonio would tell him what happened.

He stood in front of the shop, hesitating.

"Damn. Why the hell does it matter if Bushy Brows is in there? If I want coffee then I'm getting it!" The Italian muttered,

Gathering all his courage and pride, he swung the door open. It was relatively busy and the brunette could see Arthur talking to Alfred with a smile on his face. He walked pensively up to the bar. Alfred spotted him first, and Arthur's gaze followed his when the boisterous blonde suddenly stopped talking. It was unnerving. Arthur excused himself and approached his new customer as his smile fell.

"What are you doing here?" The Brit asked harshly.

"I can get coffee can't I?" Romano spat back.

The blonde turned around and grabbed a cup. He went about gathering the things he needed for Romano's usual. Just seeing that asshole's face pissed him off. And he _knew_ he should just keep his mouth shut. But the urge to say something was far too great.

"You do realize what happened after your fight?" He asked calmly.

"Let me guess, idiot came crying to you?" Romano rolled his eyes.

"Actually, yes. He quite literally did."

Romano froze. Wait. What?

Arthur poured the Amaretto extract into the cup as he waited for fresh coffee to brew. "Do you realize how much you just throw away?"

Romano grimaced. "What the fuck does that mean?"

The Brit's cold gaze was directed towards him. "Do you know how much he cares about you? And you don't even appreciate it."

The coffee maker beeped, and Arthur grabbed the pot and filled the Italian's cup. He set it in front of the other and turned to grab creamer.

"You hurt him and you don't even care." He snipped.

Where did he get off? "Like you're one to talk! You abuse your dip-shit boyfriend just as much as I allegedly do mine!" Romano snapped.

Just like that Arthur turned around and smacked the creamer bottle onto the counter, and leaned in towards the brunette. His eyes were brimming with anger and discontent towards the shorter man. Several people halted their conversations to stare at the two curiously. Alfred looked on worriedly.

"Don't you** _dare_** make this about me! I may poke, and I may push, but never _**once **_have I made Alfred cry like you make Antonio! Because _despite_ all my flaws, not only does Alfred love me, but I learned to love myself enough to love him _back_. And what gets me most is how Antonio loves you too much to let you go, yet you don't seem to have any feelings towards him at all. He's better off without you but I don't know how long he'll take my advice before he goes running to you again. If I had it my way he'd stay away for good!" The British man whispered hatefully.

Romano stared stupidly. What just happened?

Arthur was usually a very grumpy person in general. But this was pure malice! Feeling slightly triumphant in shutting the loud mouthed Italian up for once, Arthur leaned back and went about finishing the coffee. The brunette sat there without speaking. For once, Romano actually let his pride take a rest. Looking back on the situation he was shocked. It was stupid how he acted. It really was. He wanted people to take him seriously, but he went and blew a harmless situation up, not unlike how a child would. And dear _God_. He was stupid enough to deserve a lecture from Bushy Brows.

Arthur set the cup down in front of him with finality. He didn't know whether to be proud, or slightly disturbed of the look on Romano's face. It was like he actually _heard _what he said for once. Like he actually felt _bad _about what happened. Well damn. He was a miracle worker!

Romano slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out a twenty. He set it on the table and got up. Arthur cocked his head and raised and eyebrow. That was much more than the coffee costed.

"Just keep the change." Romano grumbled and turned around.

The Italian started towards the door, but turned around before pushing it open, resting his hand on the cold metal bar going across the glass.

"Bushy Brows." He said smirking, then left.

"That little prat!" Arthur fumed.

The nerve of that guy!

"Artie! Now that you're not gonna kill Romano, can I have pie?" Alfred called happily from across the bar.

"What is it with you and pie?" Arthur shot back.

* * *

Romano couldn't believe it, but Bushy Brows was right. Not that he was right about _everything_, but he had a point. And the brunette had no idea how to fix the situation. He found himself walking around the city, knowing eventually he'd spot Antonio somewhere...

"Romano Vargas! How nice to see you again~!" A familiar voice called out to him.

Oh GOD _**NO. **_

When he turned around he was met with the familiar face of Francis Bonnefoy. If the world took pity on him at all, it should just kill him now. A runaway bus, a drive by shooting, it didn't matter. Anything but Francis.

He had been one of Antonio's best friends in High School, and usually the one who hooked Antonio up with some of the guys he dated. He had even tried more than once to seduce Romano in his _painfully_ ineffective way. And in Romano's book, Francis was public enemy number one. But he could never avoid him. The Frenchman had quite a fondness for the oldest Vargas twin... If fondness is what you could call it.

"I swear to God if you touch me I'll kick you in the balls so hard you'll see stars for a month." Romano warned; looking like a puffed up cat, holding his finger out as if it was a warning.

Francis looked at him wide eyed, then laughed. "Well, I can't blame you. I did chase after you for a long time didn't I?"

Romano glared at him. "If that's what you want to call it."

Another laugh. _Damn_ he was annoying.

"It's fine. But you really have nothing to worry about. I'm engaged, so I'm officially out of the chasing business." The blonde replied, holding up his left hand, showing Romano a silver ring with a small square Ruby accompanied by two much smaller diamonds at each side, set between two ornately carved Fleur de Lis'.

What was with everyone being in a perfect fucking relationship? Seriosuly this was getting to be bullshit. Jesus, first Feliciano and Potato Bastard, then Bushy Brows and Alfred. Now Francis and...who the hell would marry **Francis**?

"And who exactly is the person you're "marrying"?" Romano asked, putting air quotations around marrying.

"Mathew Williams. I'm sure you remember him." Francis replied.

Romano did. He just couldn't believe the two were together. The other blonde was nice, and they had been acquaintances during their Senior Year of High School. Mathew was always quiet and never really stood out. But he wasn't exactly forgettable. How did Mathew fall for Francis?

The Frenchman looked on as Romano thought silently.

"I hear you and Antonio are together. How's that going?" He asked slyly.

The words irritated him. He didn't know why, but hearing from someone who didn't know about the fight ask how they were felt like a reminder he was a fuck up. If he didn't need to find Antonio before, he sure did now.

Romano frowned. "I have to go." He stated, then turned around and walked away.

Francis shrugged, then started walking his own way. He'd have to ask Antonio how the apology went.

* * *

He'd looked all over the _damn_ city! Where in the hell could that idiot be? There was a possibility he had been at the shop the whole time. But of course with Romano being the kind of person he was, the thought never occurred to him until now. It was getting later in the day, and he had work the next morning. So reluctantly, he headed home.

* * *

Antonio grabbed another one of his sports bags and started throwing clothes into it. He had decided to stick with his idea of spending some time part. The Spaniard had really expected Romano to be home, but the condo was inexplicably empty when he got there.

It wasn't that he wanted him there particularly. It just felt strange. Antonio stopped what he was doing for a second to look around the bedroom. Despite all of his clothes being piled on the bed, it looked normal. The dark red walls were starting to dull with the quickly fading light coming in from the window. He dragged his fingertips along the soft bed sheet, and smiled. This condo wasn't filled completely with _bad_ memories. There were good things he remembered. The first night Romano let him sleep in his bed, which then ever since became _their_ bed. The times he and Romano watched a movie and the little Italian accidentally fell asleep against his shoulder. How Romano tried to hide from the hair ruffles and smiles Antonio always had for him. He was lying if he said he wouldn't miss it a little.

A gasp caught his attention. Antonio turned quickly to see a very surprised Romano in the bedroom doorway. He must not have heard the front door opening. Way to go Antonio. Romano's eyes flitted from the bags on the floor, to the clothes on the bed, then back to Antonio uncomfortably.

"What are you doing?" The Italian asked quietly.

Antonio felt like the situation was slipping from his grasp. Romano wasn't yelling. He wasn't throwing things at him. He wasn't even angry. _Yet_, at least. Strangely enough, Romano almost looked lost.

"Getting some of my stuff. I figured I'd need it." Antonio said hesitantly.

The two sat in silence for a minute or two before Romano spoke up.

"Look. I don't know how to say this." He started, looking torn and uneasy. "But... I figured some things out. I understand I was an asshole. I acted like a little fucking kid. It was stupid and it's my fault. So, I guess what I mean is..."

The shorter stood there looking troubled, and unable to get the words out. He fidgeted and wouldn't look directly at Antonio. The Spaniard waited patiently. He still kept Arthur's words in the back of his mind. But he wouldn't let the Brit's undoubtedly biased opinion cloud his better judgment (or feelings) at the moment.

"Just put your shit away! God I hate you right now." Romano said, hiding his face and feeling awkward.

He didn't know what to think. Antonio was confused, and Romano stood there waiting for some type of answer.

"So... You want my to put my things back? Because... you don't want me to leave?" The older asked slowly.

His answer was an embarrassed whine and a muffled "Fuck, yes that's what I mean!"

Antonio was shocked. He stood there for a few moments, the words reeling through his head over and over. Coming from Romano, that might as well have been a love confession (though he wouldn't push his luck). He wanted him to stay. He was overcome with joy! This was the happiest Romano had made him (including his botched agreement to a date). Antonio practically leaped over to Romano, and took a hold of the hands covering his face. The smaller man was pulled into a firm chest and quite frankly, _cuddled_. He tried to squirm out of the hold, but gave up as quickly as he started.

"Romano, you have no idea how much that means to me." The Spaniard mumbled into his hair, then grabbed his shoulders and held him away. A part of him knew things still had to change. This might have been a big crack in their relationship. But he would just have to make things clear. Changes would be made for the better. That is if Romano was willing to work with him.

"But if this is going to work this time, we have to be clear with each other Romano. I want to hug you. I want to hold your hand. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms. I don't want you to feel like you have to hide from me. I..." He stopped himself. Romano wasn't someone to take "I love you" lightly. If this was going in a good direction, those three little words would backfire on him and ruin the momentum they had.

Romano _knew_ that. As much as it was embarrassing to admit, he wanted that sometimes too. But it was easier said than done. He just couldn't let someone in like that. You can't just tell yourself you'll let all your carefully built barriers down and let another person see you exposed emotionally like that. But he suddenly realized how fucking lonely it was when the idiot wasn't there.

"Fine." He mumbled, before Antonio could finish.

There was silence. Then...

"Romano... Can I... Can I _kiss_ you?" He asked uneasily. Romano stared at the floor with wide eyes. A dark blush covered his face. He grappled for an answer to the question. But he came up blank. How the hell was he supposed to answer that? The last kiss he had was in Freshman year! Antonio on the other hand was definitely more experienced.

"You don't have to say yes, I just thought, you know..." He recovered quickly, taking his hands off the other. Fuck_fuck__**fuck**_. Did he just ruin it?

The smaller Italian gained some resolve, and tried to look the other in the eyes, but found himself looking at the wall instead. "Whatever." He said softly. Dear god what was he about to do?

Antonio almost jumped him at the reply. But instead of freaking Romano out, he carefully edged his way closer to the other. He opened his arms and Romano did the same, letting the older man wrap his arms around him. The Spaniard lifted his lover's chin. Romano closed his eyes tightly, and jumped slightly when Antonio's lips pressed softly against his. It was weird, but it didn't bother him as much as he though it would.

But that safer feeling ended when a tongue swiped across his lower lip. He didn't know what to do. Romano never had very good experiences with kissing. The taller man felt the Italian tense, and he pulled away. Romano's face was bright red, and he refused to open his eyes. It made his chest swell with a sharp pain to see Romano looking so uncomfortable in a situation where all he had to do was open up and let himself be loved. Antonio leaned forward again, kissing the smaller's cheek softly and attempted to assuage Romano's fears.

"_Trust me._" The Spaniard whispered in his ear.

Romano calmed down a bit, and wasn't so shell shocked when the tongue swiped his lip again. Hesitantly, he parted his lips. Antonio's tongue forced it's way in slowly, trying not to scare the other. Romano stood stock still as the Spaniard kissed him, not reacting to anything Antonio did, but certainly not unaffected. His heart was racing. He was scared out of his mind, but not because of the kiss.

He was scared because this man made him _feel_. He felt _happy_, and _dizzy_, and he had _butterflies_, but he didn't want to feel that. He didn't want to let anyone see him feeling something so _weak_. But that's how he was at the moment. He hated how that idiot could tear his only protection away like that without even knowing. It was like standing in front of an audience and forgetting your line. Wanting to run away in embarrassment but you're glued to the spot, trying not to cry. Antonio could somehow inadvertently make Romano feel uneasy and safe at the same time. It scared him. That stupid Spaniard had caused him so much stress over the years. And all Romano could do to let out the frustration was let the tears built up in his eyes flow.

Antonio felt the tears against his nose, and pulled away, only to be pulled back quickly. The smaller kissed back sloppily, crying and grabbing the older's hair to pull him in harshly. Romano kissed him helplessly, crying harder as Antonio hugged him tighter. He hated this feeling, but he couldn't live without it either. This love the older showed him stripped him down and covered him up in the same blow.

Antonio knew now that he wasn't the only one feeling lonely without the other. Despite what Arthur thought, Romano could feel something. He wouldn't be doing this if he didn't. Even though the tears broke his heart, they assured him he wasn't alone in this. His adorable Italian felt something for him. And that was enough, even if it wasn't love. Antonio could always work on that. It had taken awhile but he finally got to who Romano really was. He was able to hold and kiss him. So that's what he did after they pushed all the clothes off the bed and onto the floor so they could lay down. They twined themselves together, Antonio feeling uplifted, and Romano feeling shaken, but both of them didn't want to leave that bed in the morning. So they didn't.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

Hey guize look I updated.

But yeah. Told you things get better! I appreciate the reviews about Fix, and hearing your input on things! I'm currently working on chapter 8, but I had to take a while for break because I can't just stay up for 4 hours straight after midnight to write a whole chapter. Not even a plethora of tea could help me there. But, I will admit my best and worst stuff comes out of that.

Writing Overall= Good

Fluidity/Performance = Shit

Oh! And thanks to one of my friends who is the bane of my writing existence, I have a new story idea, which may come out sometime this year (depending on how much of my time is taken up with school). It'll be called _"The Hanging Tree"._

Keep a look out for it, and reviews are love~!

(They make me want to write!)


	7. Chapter 7

_Ring~_

Romano turned over in their bed, irritated out of his mind. Who the fuck would be calling him so early? He reached out blindly and fumbled for his cell on the bedside table. Next to him, Antonio mumbled. When the phone was in his grasp he wasn't surprised when his squinted eyes revealed the name _"Feli" _spelled in black block letters on the blue screen. With a sigh he answered.

"Fratello, I swear to God if you are not on literal fire, or have a massive ticking time bomb strapped to your chest I can't think of anything else that's so God damned important it can't wait until it's not four in the morning." Romano growled lowly.

On the other end Ludwig's voice could be heard groaning in annoyance, and Feliciano's voice drowning his out with a whine.

"No! It is important I swear! I need you and Antonio to come over before Lunch! I really, really need to tell you something big!" The younger twin said, ecstatic.

Another sigh escaped his lips before he answered his brother.

"Fine. Just stop fucking calling me so early. We'll be there at ten." He responded tiredly.

Romano could hear an excited "Did you hear that Ludwig! They're coming over at ten! I can-" coming from his brother, then a "Sorry. Goodbye." from Ludwig.

He just stared at his phone, and then placed it back on the nightstand. He was too tired to even complain about the stupid German. Settling back down, Romano pulled the blanket over his shoulder. Antonio draped an arm lazily over him.

"What was that all about?" He asked sleepily.

Romano made in indignant sound, not opening his eyes. "Who the hell knows? It's Feliciano we're talking about here."

There was no reply, and it didn't really bother the Italian. He simply relaxed and went back to sleep.

* * *

After an uninterrupted five hours of sleep, both Antonio and Romano were up, and enjoying breakfast. Antonio sat at the table quietly eating scrambled eggs. Romano got himself a cup of coffee before sitting down at the table and in front of his laptop. Antonio looked up at him. Romano typed quickly as his eyes darted left and right. As much as he wished his little Italian would pay that much attention to _him_, he felt just as content watching.

The ever present frown, however cute, was gone, and replaced by the occasional smirk when he read something amusing. Romano didn't know it, but Antonio loved that smirk. It was so unlike any other expression he had. And while it wasn't a smile per-say it definitely came close enough.

Romano noticed the idiot's staring. But he was in an unusually good mood this morning. So it was dismissed, and he continued to drink and scroll. Antonio, however stood up. He carefully set his plate in the sink. Looking over his shoulder, he smiled. He made his way over to Romano and wrapped his arms around his neck. Romano jumped slightly, but relaxed fairly quickly.

"What do you think Feli wants to tell us? He made it sound pretty important." Antonio asked lazily.

"Better be. He called at four in the fucking morning." Romano scoffed.

"Well, are we going to walk there or take a cab? Cause if we're going to walk we should get going." Antonio commented, letting go of the other and stretching.

Romano sighed. There was no way he was gonna pay a cab driver for a walk he took weekly.

"We're gonna walk. If I can do it so can you." The Italian taunted.

Antonio whined, but made his way towards the door slowly. Romano got up and put his mug in the sink. Both of them grabbed their coats, and Romano locked the door behind them.

The walk was going to be a fairly long one. No more than half an hour at the most. But the two of them were used to walking, and with the other to keep them company it wouldn't seem so long. The sun was half hidden behind grey clouds. And the wind was cold. But nonetheless it was a good morning. Antonio was partial to sunny skies, but Romano felt more at ease on days like this. It was strange how a simple change in temperature could calm him like nothing else. Antonio felt delighted in the least that for once Romano wasn't even complaining about anything. Which he was _very_ good at.

At first there was silence. And in that short ten minute span of time Romano had thought about a lot of things. His past (as much as he tried to forget it...); the start of everything with Antonio. How easy it would have been to just say _"No". _The little monosyllable word was one he'd used so often it was a miracle it didn't just fly from his lips every time someone asked him something.

But he didn't. Maybe it was just the old him trying so desperately to finally grasp what he couldn't so long ago. But again, the Italian had to shake his head at the thought. The him from that time so long ago was just a distant memory. He'd decided he wasn't that person anymore. But yet, it seemed the person he' become was no better. Even as he looked over towards the idiotic Spaniard he hated to love so much it hurt, he realized he'd known all along how this would end.

_End..._

It gave him quite a shock to feel that word sink in. It was an inevitable truth. His eyes widened with the realization. There really was no escaping it. Futile attempts to deny fate would never bear any fruit. _This_ could never bear fruit. The thought of it really and truly ending... This weird and impossible_ thing_ between the two could never actually survive the test of time. Romano knew he had a hard hand in love, but never before had it been so clear! It wasn't until he'd found something worthwhile that he'd found himself unwilling to fold. Waves of sadness roiled over him heavily. And on instinct he found himself reaching out. The only thing he was met with was Antonio's hand. And as much as it was painful, it was also the greatest comfort he could have found.

Antonio turned towards the pull on his hand, seeing only a blushing Romano. And it had filled him with the greatest joy.

"Wow Roma! I can't believe it! You held my hand all on your own!" He joked happily.

Romano glared. "Shut up stupid."

But Antonio didn't feel any bite in the statement.

* * *

Words weren't exchanged when the couple arrived. Feliciano was definitely excited about something. But Romano had the feeling his silence was premeditated, and definitely practiced. There was no doubt Ludwig had made him practice the art of shutting the hell up for just this occasion. They were led into the living room and seated themselves on the couch. Ludwig sat quite uncomfortably across from Romano. His eyes shifted from here and there, but never towards Romano. Feliciano just stood next to him, bouncing around; not saying a word. The blonde cleared his throat.

"Feliciano, you can tell them now." He said stiffly.

"Really? Are you sure? One hundred percent?" The brunette implored excitedly.

"Yes, Feliciano, you can tell them now." Ludwig sighed, but with a smile.

Feliciano's face lit up. He turned to the two and smiled brightly.

"We're going to adopt!" He exclaimed.

Romano didn't know what to say. It was amazing, yes, even if the German bastard would be the father of his niece and/or nephew. There were times he was sure his brother would burn down the house if he didn't check in regularly. But even those moments were punctuated with the understanding Feliciano could have been; if born a woman; one of the greatest mothers in the world.

"That's amazing Feli!" Antonio chirped.

He promptly got up and hugged Feliciano. And at first, the action wasn't so unusual. But Romano still felt a slight discomfort.

"We wanted you to come shopping with us! Even Grandpa will be there! It'll be fun."

With that Romano froze.

Well...

_Fuck. _

* * *

He had tried really hard to avoid the man as much as possible. Honestly he had. Ever since Romano had graduated he'd barely talked to his Grandfather. It was only during family reunions every other year that he tolerated him. And even then a week in Italy with Rome was less than ideal. So the sight of him standing in front of the local Target made him regret his choice to come along.

"Ah, there you are! Come here Feliciano I don't get to see you often enough." The older man insisted, bringing Feliciano into a tight hug.

The younger laughed and returned the embrace. And when Rome let him go, he turned his attention on Romano.

"Romano." He beamed and held his arm out.

A sick feeling came over him. He didn't want to do this. Not now, not ever. He just wanted to die right there. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd hugged his Grandfather.

"I'd rather not." Romano seethed hotly.

Antonio looked between them.

"What's wrong? It's just your Grandpa..." He asked; confused.

Romano just crossed his arms and looked away.

Rome sighed in defeat. "It's fine Antonio. He's always been that way."

Thank God Feli decided then was the perfect time to start. It wasn't the best of distractions. But his talk with Rome was limited to _'Hmm..'_s and _"Yeah."_s. But Rome wasn't the only reason he was uncomfortable. It was stupid to think, but Romano couldn't help but feel unsettled by the closeness between Antonio and Feliciano. Maybe it was unreasonable. Ok, it _definitely_ was. But emotions had come and gone so quickly today. Even in the first three hours of his day he had gone from relatively happy, to sad, to uncomfortable, to angry, and now to fairly pissed. It was a terrible thing to deal with, but Romano had gotten into a mood. And that bode nothing but a worsening situation.

Antonio skipped alongside Feliciano as they looked at different kinds of baby clothes. And it seemed to be a regular thing for Antonio to lean over and squeeze Feliciano as if his life depended on it. Every time it happened an unexplained rage build up in him. And it was no help that his head was starting to throb. Ludwig stole a glance at his brother-in-law.

"Not enjoying this?" The blonde questioned awkwardly.

Romano glared daggers at the German.

"Where'd you get that fucking idea?" He snarled sarcastically.

"Neither am I. The only reason I ever come shopping with Feliciano is to make sure he doesn't buy unnecessary things." The taller admitted.

The older Italian still simmered in anger. But at least the giant blockhead was actually useful. He wouldn't be the only one suffering. And knowing Ludwig was the other person suffering made him feel a bit better about the situation.

Still, he hoped and prayed this would be over sooner.

* * *

Unfortunately, his prayers were far from answered.

Feliciano had insisted everyone stay for an early dinner. Which left him alone with a hug-trigger-happy boyfriend and his annoying Grandfather. Today just wasn't going to get any better. And with Antonio constantly alternating between hugging Feliciano, and attempting to hug Romano, the unhappy Italian wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep for at least two hours. At the request of Rome, everyone gathered in the kitchen while Feliciano finished cooking.

"Want anything to drink Romano?" Antonio questioned; sitting in the seat next to him.

"I don't care as long as it's hooch." He grumbled in reply; head in his hands.

Antonio got up then leaned down to kiss Romano on the cheek, which was quickly avoided when Romano turned his head away.

Rome looked on with a blank stare. He just couldn't understand what had made Romano the way he was.

"Don't you think you should wait until dinner is ready, Romano?" Rome inclined loftily.

Antonio returned with a wine bottle and a glass. Romano took them both, setting the glass on the table and pulling the cork from the dark bottle. He poured a generous amount. After setting the bottle down he drank most of the glass in one fell swoop; giving Rome the smug look a teenager might give when defying authority, daring it to do something about it. Rome simply sighed again.

The next few minutes were punctuated by very little chatting between anyone other than Rome and Antonio, and a whole lot of drinking by Romano. Antonio had questioned about whether he'd had enough or not several times. But Romano had dismissed it every time. The food was being served, and everyone was glad to have _something_ as a distraction from the awkwardness.

"So Feliciano, will my Great Grandchild be a boy or a girl?" Rome asked happily.

"A boy! Ludwig and I were able to agree on that pretty easily." He replied.

"Ah, good! Now if only Romano would get himself hitched. I could look forward to more. But until then I guess it's up to you." Rome commented lightly.

Romano felt burning annoyance rise in him.

"But really Romano, when are you an Antonio planning to tie the knot?" The eldest Italian prodded.

Antonio laughed awkwardly.

"Well, w-" He started, but was interrupted.

"Who knows, but it's sure as hell none of your damn business." Romano quipped dryly.

Feliciano looked between the two frantically. This wasn't going to end well. Both his Grandfather and Romano were hard headed and never wanted to back down.

"That's no way to speak to your Grandfather!" Rome scolded.

"I'll talk to you however the hell I want to!" Romano rebutted.

Rome glared at his grandson. This had gone too far and it wasn't at all right for Romano to be acting this way.

"You will not talk to me that way! I raised you to show respect-" Rome grit his teeth when Romano laughed.

"You? _Raised_ me? I thought you were senile enough, but it looks like you're crazier than I thought!"

Feliciano rose from his seat when Romano did, pushing his brother back by the shoulder. This wasn't going to end well.

"Fratello, calm down!" The younger begged.

Antonio tried to grab Romano's arm, calming words lilting in his lover's rage.

Rome seethed and rose from his own chair, circling the table to grab his grandson by the chin.

"Look here you ungrateful little shit! I did everything I had to so you could live comfortably. You _will_ show me respect."

Romano grinned in mirth. "More like you did _everyone_ you had to."

With that Romano jerked from Rome's grip, and stalked out of the kitchen. "I'm done with this shit!"

Antonio followed after him, completely intent on figuring out what the hell just happened.

Antonio had found himself in one of the guestrooms watching an enraged Italian pacing before him. He was at a loss of what to do. Never before had he seen a fight like that erupt, and certainly not between anyone in Roma's family. He was confused and kind of scared.

"Roma are you ok?" The Spaniard asked carefully.

"How the fuck does it look?"

Antonio slowly approached the smaller man, holding out his hand. "Hey, don't worry."

Romano smacked the hand away.

"I really don't want anything to do with you either right now." He growled.

"What? What could I have done?" Antonio asked incredulously.

Romano could have said, but he'd rather not stray into that territory.

"It doesn't matter _what_ you did. You just did!"

The taller man sighed. Arthur was partially right. But Antonio understood the only way to fix any of this would be to talk this out. Even if Romano wasn't willing to talk.

"Romano, tell me what's going on in your head. I'm here to help you! I only want you to tell me what you're thinking, what you feel."

He couldn't rationally deny the request. Romano, though, was far from a rational being.

"I don't need your coddling." He said gruffly.

"Romano it's not coddling! I'm here because I should be! If you'd let me in I could help you! I love you, so why won't you let me do what I need to?" Antonio begged desperately.

Romano froze. He tried to believe he didn't hear those words. That he'd just imagined them. But those words had ripped his world apart too many times. And he realized that his gut feeling was indeed correct. The relationship had reached it's limit. Because first thing "love" is thrown into the equation, that's when a heart gets broken. It hurt more than he imagined. To see Antonio's eyes filled with caring that hurt the more it tried to heal.

"Get out." Romano whispered.

Antonio stood in silence unsure of how to react.

"What?" was his reply.

The Italian spun on his heals and came toe to toe with his boyfriend. Resolution shone in his eyes, hiding the pain this decision caused.

"Out! I want you gone! I can't take this anymore! I want you to leave me alone! It's over!"

There was silence. Emotion raced across Antonio's face, one after another. Surprise, sadness, anger, guilt. It didn't last long though. His face lost any trace of feeling as he stepped back. This really was it wasn't it? There was nothing more he could do. The end had come much sooner that anticipated for both of them. And even though it was hidden, each inch that separated the two made the parting all the more bitter.

"Fine." Antonio said flatly.

He turned around and made his way through the doorway. Feliciano stood outside in the hall. But Antonio excused himself as he passed by, not answering the smaller's questions. Romano heard the door open, then slam shut seconds later. A dark, cold veil slipped itself over him. The world seemed much more harsh than it used to. But for some reason it was even harsher still than before Antonio had come around. Feliciano entered the room, tailed by Ludwig. Romano couldn't bring himself to look at them.

"Fratello, what happened?" He asked quietly.

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Feliciano surprised everyone by actually _yelling_. "Everything was fine! He loved you so much! Why don't you see that?"

Romano tried to keep the tears at bay.

"Don't say that! I don't care how much he "loved" me! It was doomed from the start! Nothing good would come of it!"

"Don't give me that bull shit! Do you know why it was "doomed"? Because you don't let anyone in! The closer they get to you, the more you push back! How do you expect anyone to love you, if you refuse to love anyone else? I understand what you're going through! I really do but you're making it hard for me to help you fix it! That's all any of us wanted! I understand your feeling abandoned but you're only as alone as you make yourself! All of this is your fault!" The younger cried, tears of frustration rolling off his cheeks.

Feliciano turned tail and left the room. Ludwig looked at him for a moment.

"You can stay here for the night. But you might want to leave before noon. I'll deal with Feliciano." He stated, then promptly left.

The words sunk in, but none of this seemed real. Romano just closed his eyes and waited for this to be over. For this to just be a dream he was going to wake up from. He'd wake up in his bed, alone as usual, never having said yes, never having to deal with any of this ever. He just wanted everything to be over. Romano slowly made his way to the bed. With no conviction for anything left, he curled into a pillow and tried to forget everything.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

Ok! After procrastinating for forever, I finally got this one done! You would not believe how long this chapter took to finish. I was up from 3am to 7am writing all of this. It evolved a bit differently than I had planned, but I still believe it turned out well! Though I do think I rushed through some things. But it was really early and the writing bug bit me, so I had to finish this before I got lazy again. On to chapter 8!

Reviews are love~!

**_Edit After I've already Edited_**:

Oh my god you guys. Like holy crap. I've gotten so many nice reviews for this, and I can't believe you like this so much! I got one review from HikaruFullmoon and just omg your review is great and just thank you so much, it's going in my "Keep" folder! I'm going to work hard on chapter 8 tonight!

Oh, and I just realized all of you thought everything was going to be alright and everyone would be all happy.

...

Yeah I'm so sorry about that. There's 12 Chapters, what can I say?

(Oh, and P.S. Reviews for Fix are all going into the Keep folder just so you know!)


	8. Chapter 8

**_Author's Note:_ **In advance, please excuse my sudden change in format! I've never really used lyrics in my stories, but I've seen other authors use it very eloquently, and this song fits very well for the mood I was hoping to get in this chapter!

* * *

_Come on skinny love, just end this here._

_You will carry on, I'll disappear._

_My my my, my my my, my my my my._

_ Rinse my blood from your hands, and persevere._

_I told my love to let me go._

_ Don't ask what could have been, we'll never know._

_ But when I was with you, oh, I was home._

* * *

Two weeks have gone by slowly, and not once has anyone seen hide nor hair of Romano.

After the fight, Feliciano had found the spare bedroom empty. And any call that wasn't from Antonio went straight to voicemail. Wasn't surprising. The morning he went home he found most of Antonio's clothes missing. It stung a bit. But Feliciano was _right_. This whole thing could have been avoided. Well, maybe.

But what bothered Romano so much was how he could have _stopped_ all of this. He could have _tried_. But he _didn't_. There were so many things he could have done to change this outcome. He could have hugged Antonio back. He could have whispered sweet words instead of screaming slurs. But he just couldn't. And a part of him knew why. But another part of him didn't want to be reminded.

It was all because of one little incident. Because of one short night that changed him. Memories are a hard thing to fight, and Romano was too scared to fight at the time. And it was with that he really understood everything. He'd been letting something so small, something so _stupid_, keep him from living. Who knows what could have happened? If he'd worked through the pain of the past, one of his many relationships could have gone farther. But most of all, things with Antonio would have _worked_.

And when he realized that, he sat up quickly on his bed. It could _still_ work!

Romano jumped up, grabbing his cell phone before tearing through the livingroom. He pulled his shoes on at the door and headed out to the one place Antonio had left to go. He had spent those two weeks in one of the worst depressions he'd ever experienced. Romano had never been quite so alone. And it was during that time he'd felt so empty. Everything reminded him of Antonio in some way. It was just so cold. Looking around his own home, well, if that's what you could call it anymore, made him feel an innate sense of despair. It was almost indescribable. Years of sadness had come down on him in that short amount of time. There had been moments he'd just break down and wrap his arms around himself, only to realize that this isn't what he'd wanted. He'd wanted only one thing since he was young. All he'd wanted was someone who would hold him so he didn't have to. He'd spent so long telling himself all he needed was the assurance he'd still be there when no one else was. But with Antonio gone, he'd only found the harsh reality that he'd lost the only person who would ever do that.

Because despite being so broken, and so scarred, Antonio still cared.

At least Romano thought he still did.

And that was the thought that broke him. Alone in his dark room, sitting on that empty bed, curled in on himself, he sobbed pathetically. The only person who could ever love him like that he'd pushed back. All because he was too stupid to see that. Because he could barely accept the idea of loving himself, let alone have someone else see him so bare. To Romano, showing affection and feelings, letting someone say "I love you.", then saying it back, is like taking off your armor when faced with an enemy holding a dagger. You could hope they'll show mercy, but Romano wasn't going to take that chance for anyone. And every haunting word he'd hated so much had come out of Antonio's mouth, giving him the opportunity to run away in fear of being hurt. He'd run away from Antonio when the best thing he could have done was run to him.

* * *

_I told you to be patient, and I told you to be kind._

_I told you to keep fighting, told you things would be alright._

_And I'll always be with you, but it'll be a different kind._

_I'll be there when you forget me, and when it's your turn to die._

* * *

There was a strange sense of dread when Romano stood in front of Arthur's shop. Yes, he was ready to admit he was wrong. And yes, there were still things he didn't know if he could work through. The scariest thing, was looking up at that apartment, and not knowing if it was fixable. Antonio could very well hate him by now. He could want Romano to leave and never face him again. That hurt. Romano was prepared for this either way. The pit in his stomach was quelled for a moment as he forced bravery upon himself. Pushing the glass door open, he scanned the room. Arthur was on the side of the bar adjacent to the stairwell to the apartment. The blondes eyes rose, and hardened when he saw Romano. Thinking quickly, Romano bolted for the stairs. Arthur followed behind quickly. The Brit tripped him before he could get to the first step, sending Romano toppling onto the first few bottom steps.

Onlookers gasped at the scene as both men wrestled and struggled to push each other back. Romano managed to kick Arthur away and make it halfway up the stairs. Arthur growled and scrabbled after him. At the top of the stairs Romano beat on the door, wishing Antonio would open up already.

"What the hell are you doing here? I want you out!" Arthur screamed.

"Shut the fuck up this is betwee-" Romano stopped as the door opened.

Antonio stood in the doorway, hair messy, and looking like he'd been sleeping for quite some time. He looked down at Romano blankly, and the smaller man fought the urge to break down there.

"Antonio hasn't this been enough? He's certainly _hurt_ you enough times!" Arthur tried to reason.

The Spaniard was surprised when Romano remained quiet. He watched as Romano stared at the floor, looking like he was in pain. He'd really expected the younger to cuss the Brit out, maybe even throw a punch with the way they had been wrestling. Something wasn't right.

"Romano." He called.

The Italian slouched, his shoulders coming up to meet his chin, as if prepared for a blow to be dealt.

"I want you to come in, but only for a little while." Antonio told him.

Romano kept his head low, and Arthur looked at him like he was crazy.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He exclaimed.

"Look, Arthur. Just because I'm going to talk to him doesn't mean I'm going to forgive anyone. And no matter what the outcome is, I need you to back me up ok? Trust me." The taller reasoned.

Arthur glared at him. "Fine! But don't think I'm happy about this."

Antonio smiled as the other man trudged down the stairs. "Wouldn't dream of it."

With that Antonio moved aside, letting Romano into the flat. He closed the door behind the both of them, and suddenly the room was silent; heavy with words that had yet to be spoken.

"Let's sit down." Antonio offered.

* * *

_Come on, skinny love, don't mourn for me._

_Because I will live on in your memory._

_My my my my my my my my my my._

_That a love like ours would end like this._

_..._

_She will love you._

_And I'll be fine._

_And you will leave me behind._

* * *

**_Author's Note:_**

Ok, that was a bit stressful, but opinions on the lyric format? Annoying? Does it add to the story?

Before I forget, the song is called "**_Skinny L0ve_**" by **Broadway Aradia**.

Her lyrics, not her song originally, but credit goes to her and the original owner.

Shout out to other Hetastuckers!

Reviews are love!


	9. Chapter 9

_ WeRRa Svey Jhno Jhno._

_ WeRRa Svey Jhno Mrrau._

_Your words reach me._

_I don't understand why._

_I follow your words._

_ Hoping they are words of love._

_ WeRRa Svey Jhno Jhno~_

* * *

The two of them sat awkwardly across from each other. The silence grew like a living thing between them. Antonio stared at Romano blankly, while the shorter looked down at his intertwined fingers. The Spaniard wondered vaguely if this was a good idea. After Romano's outburst Antonio had been filled with an anger he hadn't known for a very long time. It was the breaking point for him. Every second he'd spent wondering about everything involved with their relationship had been confirmed. Now he felt such a strange neutrality to the situation. He was almost surprised with how cold he was being. But there was every right for him to act as such. Romano had twisted him left and right the whole time. Not that Antonio hated Romano. He just didn't understand how someone he'd known for so long be so foreign to him.

The leather of the armchair Romano sat in was uncomfortably warm. And he knew he really should be saying something but, dammit! This seat was seriously uncomfortable! The Italian glared at the worn brown leather with disdain. He could have ranted in his head forever, claiming this and that on how he'd cruelly dispose of the accursed piece of furniture and rid the world of it's awful presence; but Antonio's voice cut through the haze.

"Romano, what are you doing here?" The older man asked blandly.

Both of them sat in silence once again. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to say it? He'd walked into this knowing there were no absolutes. But that didn't stop him from wanting this to end happily. If this whole thing would straighten itself out, he could stop feeling like this. Sighing, Romano drummed up the courage to say something at all.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly.

And again, silence fell. Antonio looked at him with that blank stare that burned through Romano's entire being. He wasn't sure if it was his imagination, but he was sure that this tired game of silence and stares was slowly driving him insane. Astonishingly, nothing happened. And as nothing continued to happen, Romano felt the need to fix that.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" Romano still couldn't look at him. And his voice still refused to make itself well known.

The Spaniard leaned back in the couch and sighed. Running his hand through his hair he replied.

"What's there to say Romano? It was made perfectly clear that it just wasn't working. What more are you looking for?" He stated.

The words stung more than Romano thought they would. But he did suppose that what he gets for being a complete idiot. Antonio watched as the Italian shifted uncomfortably and picked at the bottom hem of his shirt. It frustrated him to no end! Romano was bouncing back and forth between emotions and his actions made no sense whatsoever. It would be an understatement to say it pissed him off.

"It's just-" Romano started.

"Listen. I don't know why you felt the need to come here. And I don't particularly care. But if you've come to twist the knife, congratulations, you've done your job quite well. And if you don't have anything important to say I'd prefer if you left as soon as possible." Antonio snapped, bristling and irritated with the younger man.

Romano's eyes widened in shock. Never once had Antonio spoken like that. Especially not towards him. And he could feel his heart slowly crack. Maybe he had been too late. This wasn't as fixable as he'd assumed. And it sure hurt a hell of a lot more than he'd assumed. Tears stung the back of his eyes, and he gripped the fabric of his pants tightly. It was probably useless. But he wasn't going to leave things like this. How could he?

Antonio watched as Romano sat there, unmoving. He sat forward again.

"If you're not going to say anything, at least answer me this: Why? The whole time all I did was try and love you. But was I really the only one who felt that way? Was I completely retarded for thinking that maybe you felt the same? Did you even consider how I felt when you pushed me away like that?" Antonio's voice grew louder, and he stood up, pacing back and forth in front of the couch.

"Was I really the only one who felt anything?" He yelled.

Romano stood up quickly, looking at the man who used to be nothing but smiles and stupid love songs. He looked him in the eyes as tears flowed freely.

"Shut up! Just shut the hell up! Do you really think that? You'd have to be stupid not to see that I..." Romano trailed off quietly. He clenched his fists and lowered his head.

"I love you." He said brokenly.

Antonio had never seen Romano cry like that. And it surprised him. But his anger had overwhelmed his senses, leaving him no room to feel pity for the shorter man.

"Sounds a bit forced don't you think?" The Spaniard commented offhandedly.

The words had weighted down on Romano heavily. He had never imagined that this was how it really felt to be truly alone. Nothing had gotten through. Antonio couldn't possibly see him the same way. He could never see. He could never love him. Not like he had before. And possibly not ever again. And there was a split second where everything inside him fell. There was nothing but a dark cold feeling akin to falling of the edge of a cliff into icy waters below. And it wasn't until he hit the bottom did he realize he had quite literally fallen from grace. The hard wood of the floor stung his knees numbly. Antonio looked on in surprise.

"You don't understand. How could you? I was just so scared Antonio. I've been scared my whole life. And I thought that being alone would help keep me safe but it's only hurt me more." Romano sobbed.

"I don't want to do this anymore! I don't want to feel like this. I'm trapped and I don't understand how I'm supposed to get out of here... And it's just too hard to try anymore! I've done what I have because I'm too scared to be left like this. I don't want to let someone hold my heart because in the end they'll just abandon me. No matter how much I want someone to be there I'm just not good enough." He continued.

Antonio was silent. He didn't understand what was going on. His anger ebbed away, and the sudden realization of what was happening donned on him. Romano was having a mental_ breakdown_ right in front of him.

"And you have no idea. I love you so much Antonio, but I'm never going to be good for you. And it hurt to realize that I didn't deserve you. I kept you at arms length because you'd realize how worthless I am and go off to find someone perfect. Someone who smiles and laughs. Someone who would hold your hand and tell you they love you every five seconds. Someone who isn't broken like me. Because no one wants me. No one could ever want me. Why do you think everyone adores Feliciano? He's a better me. He's wanted. I have nothing to give. I have no use. I'm only good enough to be someones toy. But even then, no one wants a toy that's already broken. I'm only here because I was lucky to be born."

The Spaniard felt like he needed to say something. But what could you say to that? Romano had told him everything. And the pain Romano felt had consumed him in a way that could never be completely reversed. And it pained Antonio just as much. "Lucky to be born?" How could he think that way about himself? Romano had been worth the world in Antonio's eyes. When he pouted, it was arguably the cutest thing in the world. And when he scolded the Spaniard on misidentifying a wine, he was the smartest person Antonio knew. And God, the few times he smiled, truly and genuinely, Romano had made Antonio's heart clench so tightly it hurt. And as the last of the anger left him, an extreme sadness and guilt fell over the older man. The person he'd loved so deeply a mere two weeks ago was on the floor of his best friends' apartment, telling him he knew for a fact he was worth less than the dirt on Antonio's shoes and could never deserve anyone's love.

"This is so fucked up." Antonio whispered.

Romano sobbed again, bringing his knees to his chest; wrapping his arms around himself.

"I don't want to be here anymore."

The words stilled in the air before falling, making both of them feel a certain type of absolution. Romano felt calmed having finally said it. He'd finally admitted what he wanted. Because if he couldn't be of use, and only caused people trouble, he didn't deserve to exist. He was an empty waste of space. Antonio felt dread seep into his heart. When had things gotten so bad? Did Romano really mean that? In less than two second he was on his knees, holding Romano. The younger laid limply in the Spaniards grasp.

"Listen to me. I don't know what's happened to you. And I don't understand how I'm supposed to fix it. But you're not worthless, Romano. You mean the world to me. I would give anything to make you feel better, to make you smile." Antonio assured the Italian firmly.

"I love you." Romano whimpered pathetically.

"I know." Antonio replied.

Romano's breathing hitched, and he coughed over the words as he repeated them over and over, crying into the others shoulder.

"Romano please, calm down. You'll be sick. Just breathe." Antonio ran his hand up and down Romano's back in what he hoped was a soothing manner.

The smaller man breathed raggedly, reaching up cautiously to hold onto the Spaniard. Antonio pulled away slightly; feeling his heart ache when Romano's arms retracted quickly to cross over his chest in protection. Even after all of it, Antonio knew he still wanted the same thing he did two weeks ago. He wanted to hug and kiss away Romano's pain. Carefully he placed his hands on Romano's cheeks. Leaning forward slowly, the older man kissed the Italian's lips lightly. Romano shut his eyes tightly; refusing to look at Antonio.

"Romano. Look at me."

Another kiss caused Romano to cringe at the familiar warm feeling.

"I'll keep doing this until you open your eyes." The Spaniard whispered softly.

When Romano still refused, another soft kiss made him tremble. What was he trying to do? Half of Romano wanted to believe that this meant something. That this meant everything could be good again. But the other half reminded him that there was so much that had been said and done that couldn't be taken back.

"Romano, I love you."

With those words, Romano opened his eyes slowly, looking at Antonio, eyes filled with pain and fear. Antonio removed his hands so he could wrap his arms around Romano's waist. The younger cautiously held onto the arms that surrounded him.

"I'm sorry that things turned out like this. I'm sorry I've said such terrible things. I... I don't know how to work this out. And it's not going to be as easy as I want it to be." The older admitted.

Romano lowered his gaze sadly. He picked at a stray string coming from the sleeve seam of Antonio's shirt. He really should have known this would happen. He'd made a fool of himself, and all for nothing. The thought almost made him cry, though he'd had quite enough of that today. Instead he'd come to the grave resolution to enjoy this time in the arms of the man he loved, seeing as it would probably be the very last time. Romano sank further into the Spaniard, trailing his arms up to wrap around his neck. He laid his head against Antonio's lower jaw. Closing his eyes he tried to memorize everything. And if he wasn't damned, Antonio still smelled like that fucking cologne.

Antonio was rather surprised at the actions, but assured by them nonetheless.

"Romano, tell me. If you could do anything, make it happen right now, what would you want?" The older questioned cryptically.

Romano sighed. "Honestly? Fuck. I'd be too stupid to do things right if I started over. I guess... If I were being more of a dreamer I'd say I want you to have mercy on me. Forgive me and go back to being annoying and stupid. Go back to suffocating me at night. Come back home. Say you love me. But..." He left off.

"But?" Antonio asked.

"But I'm a realist, not a dreamer. And it'd be useless to get my hopes up. So, after this I'll get up, and go home. I'll clean up the mess I haven't touched for two weeks. I'll change my sheets then lay down to get some sleep. Try to forget I guess." The Italian admitted.

A short pit-fall feeling made Antonio's arms twitch, gripping the other tighter. It almost made him laugh how it really was like they were going backwards. Romano was letting go just as he was trying to keep a hold on.

"Yes, well, you won't be doing that any time soon. Not if I have a choice in this." He laughed.

Romano gave the older man a puzzled look as he pulled away. But it was soon replaced with shock as he was thrown backwards onto the floor. Antonio crawled over him slowly, smiling at the Italian's confused face. He leaned forward, connecting the both of them again, then trailing butterfly kisses down Romano's neck.

"Hey! Wh-what are you doing?" Romano exclaimed, blushing profusely.

When Antonio locked eyes with him again there was that old shine to them. He was smiling.

"Romano, be quiet. I'm trying to get into my boyfriends pants." He replied before going back to what he was doing.

Romano would have said something, but when Antonio nibbled on his jaw and softly ran his fingers along smooth olive skin, the only sound that escaped his lips was a contented sigh. Slowly his shirt was pulled up and with a little help removed and thrown across the room. Antonio's followed quickly after. Romano stared up at the man above him. He'd never thought he'd see this moment. Antonio looked down on him with as much love as he was able to provide. And behind that love was an intense want. A need. It almost made Romano tear up again. He was wanted and loved and needed. It made him shudder. The Spaniard massaged Romano's thighs, rubbing slowly from knees to hip bones. In a blur, Romano was vaguely aware of his lovers lips connecting with the skin on his chest. Romano reached out and found the skin of Antonio's back. He ran his fingertips over flexing shoulder blades softly, earning a sigh from the man above him. Lips searched and found the small peak they were looking for. Antonio sucked and bit gently, rewarded with Romano's hands finding their way into his hair.

Romano whined as Antonio pulled away. Looking down at him, Antonio marveled in the half lidded look that was sent his way. Romano lay below him with reddened cheeks and panting slightly. The smaller man reached out and the Spaniard didn't have the heart to deny him. Romano wrapped his arms around Antonio's neck; rutting against the thigh that had placed itself between his legs. Both of them were aware of their steadily growing problems.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Antonio breathed.

Romano lifted his hips and dragged against his lovers leg slowly, letting out a small groan. Letting his hips fall back to the floor he glanced up at Antonio from under thick auburn eyelashes.

"I'm pretty sure there's no going back now. I'm already hard and you're going to fix it." He panted.

There was short silence before Antonio slammed himself against the other's body, licking and biting Romano's neck as he ground against the other fervently. Two moans lifted through the air, occupying the space in place of the silence.

* * *

_**Author's note:**_

Hell yes, chapter 9 is finally done! You have no idea how long this took me. Lucky me I'm just starting on a roll, and there will definitely be smut next chapter. Until then, I'm sorry to leave you with the cliffhanger. But it had to be done. Hope you enjoyed! Reviews are love!


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